Management
For a Successful Company, Relationship is the Key!by Scott Hunter
On any given day, executives in every industry are creating strategic plans, yet they face all too familiar organizational challenges that prevent their plans from being carried out smoothly with 100% success. Senior executives are fed up and fantasize about leaving, the staff is discouraged, infighting and suspicion paralyze decision making, and despite any strategic planning that takes place, little to nothing seems to get done. Workers who are supposed to act as a team don’t even want to be in the same building together, much less work together.
When a work environment becomes one of mistrust and frustration, productivity declines. Teamwork fades, and creativity and cooperation seem impossible. With such circumstances, how are companies to plan for and adapt to the many dramatic changes they continue to face? How can owners and executives access the “outside the box” thinking needed to succeed? How can a company accomplish its sales goals, profit margins, and growth projections when so many people internally can’t effectively work together?
Despite the best planning, executives frequently overlook the fact that a strong organizational foundation must first be laid within the company in order for a strategic plan to be effectively implemented. Otherwise, the process of strategic change is like building a home on top of a swamp – it won’t take long to sink under its own weight.
Here’s the cold reality: In any environment, whenever two or more people get together to accomplish anything, the primary element in the foundation upon which the accomplishment will be built is rich, empowering relationships. Trusting relationships must exist among the people in a company if they are to take bold, effective action. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case. The world we grew up in neither taught us the importance of quality relationships nor how to create and maintain them.
In virtually all relationships, whether business or personal, there is an initial euphoria stage, commonly referred to as the “honeymoon.” Unfortunately, the honeymoon eventually ends. While we think we enter relationships with a “blank slate,” this is simply not the case. All individuals have expectations about the nature of their relationships and intentions as to the outcome. Since we rarely discuss these expectations and intentions openly, fulfilling them becomes highly improbable.
The result is unfulfilled expectations and thwarted intentions, leaving us disappointed and often disillusioned. Once a disappointment has occurred and a person becomes upset, the same mistake is often repeated. Again, rather than discussing the unfulfilled expectation or thwarted intention, no one says anything. Communication is often the choice of last resort.
Further, since we are never taught to effectively deal with or communicate our disappointments, we open metaphorical “files” on others and store evidence against them whenever a negative judgment has taken place. Once opened, these files accumulate evidence, reinforcing our initial evaluations and providing the genesis for the hidden agendas that most people conceal from each other. These unspoken, personal agendas then thwart all attempts to implement strategic planning and defeat other effective actions. Everyone in the company senses the suspicion and discomfort that results from the accumulation of these files, but no one knows what to do. Finally, as the files continue to grow in the absence of communication, the relationships within the company cascade relentlessly downhill. Because of this process, most companies are not happy or pleasant places to work, and often the best that can be hoped for of relationships is peaceful coexistence.
In order to break this vicious cycle in your own organization, you must promote behaviors that encourage communication among every team member. The following suggestions will help foster an environment where relationships take precedence.
1. Empty the files.
People must learn that it is essential to refrain from building files and that they must stay in communication with their co-workers. Yet, because people don’t appreciate the necessity of quality relationships and because they are untrained in responsible communication, this is rarely achieved. Co-workers need to understand why keeping mental files on each other harms relationships and sets up false expectations for the other person.
As people begin to understand that they must not build files and must communicate with each other, they become recommitted to the company and to each other. The fact is that when all relationships start, they begin with a high degree of intimacy, trust, and openness; however, every withheld communication reduces that degree and leads to a breakdown in employee interaction and morale. This is when companies suffer. When employees are made aware of their internal file building practice, they can take the first step to discarding the information they’ve compiled and to opening up to those around them. The revelation they then have of the tremendous price they and the company have paid in terms of declining satisfaction, diminished success, reduced accomplishment, and lower income creates an opportunity to train them to speak and listen responsibly.
2. Speak without judgment
Once people realize the importance of truthful communication, the next step is responsible speaking. People must speak honestly and straight, but with compassion and respect. They must learn to not speak self-righteously or try to demean, attack or blame someone else for an upsetting emotion. Communication must become strictly a report on the speaker’s thoughts and feelings about a particular person or event.
For example, rather than saying, “I don’t think you’re working hard enough,” or “I don’t like the way you treat your secretary,” someone might say, “I expected you to work x number of hours each month, and you’re only working y number of hours. That leaves me feeling disappointed and believing I’m carrying a greater share of the load,” or “I’m disappointed by the nature of your relationship with your secretary.” Notice that in both cases, the speaker is talking about his or her disappointments and unfulfilled expectations rather than blaming the other person. When people speak with compassion and talk about themselves, communication works and the “files” are continually emptied.
3. Listen proactively
Perhaps the biggest challenge to laying aside the accumulated files is in learning how to listen. When most people listen, their attention is on themselves and on their own internal conversations and opinions. We listen judgmentally to what others are saying. Do we agree or not; do we like it or not; do we think it's the truth or not? This way of listening is ineffective and frustrating for the speaker. The speaker has no sense of being understood, of being heard, and there is no opportunity to purge the file.
There is an alternative way to listen in which the listener’s attention is on the speaker, on really recognizing how it is for them. To do this, set aside judgment and interpretation and just “be there” for the other person. Just “get” the communication. Really work hard to understand and appreciate how it is for your co-workers, and encourage them to speak. Don’t get defensive. Don’t react. Don’t take what they say personally, even though it may be very personal. So that they have the experience of being heard without interruption, the best response to a communication is “thank you,” “I’m sorry,” or both. A perfectly appropriate response is “thank you for telling me. I’m truly sorry. Is there anything else you want to tell me?”
4. Apologize and forgive
Once communication is complete and all files have been emptied, people need to apologize to one another where appropriate and forgive each other. Keep in mind that an apology is not an expression of sorrow, nor is it an admission of guilt. When used most powerfully, an apology is simply an acknowledgment of one's impact on another and a statement of responsibility in the resulting upset. It is also an invitation for the other to forgive.
True forgiveness wipes the slate clean, destroys the mental files, and starts the relationship anew. Forgiveness releases all anger, resentment, and the desire to punish. The words “I forgive you” literally come from the term “to give as before.” Its intent is to return the relationship to where and how it was before the event that caused the upset. Understand that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, because it relieves the suffering provoked by anger and resentment.
Empowering relationships will not solve all the problems in the present business environment. However, you cannot build an efficient and productive office environment and achieve the financial and personal success and satisfaction all people desire without highly effective personal relationships. Realize that nurturing relationships do not happen by accident. They require real commitment to others and a willingness to do the work of effective communication. When people are willing to make this commitment and take these steps, magic occurs. Communication and contribution become part of the company’s culture, and creativity and innovation soar. The result is immediate access to breakthrough thinking and bold action that increases your company’s productivity and profitability for long-term results.
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Scott Hunter is a professional speaker, workshop leader, consultant and coach. He speaks on creating meaningful, quality relationships in the workplace to increase productivity, creativity, teamwork and profitability. He can be reached at scott@relation
Business & Financial